Suicidal

Every time I picked the knife , my hands would shake. I was scared of looking at my reflection . It was terrifying

I was lost , in pain and distraught . Nothing would ever make me feel better . I was a lost cause

I failed at everything in life and this was it for me . I needed to end it . Though for a split second , she glanced through my head . My mum

I closed my eyes and imagined the pain she would feel if I went through with it . Then I saw my dad . A man who didn’t express his emotions . I thought of what he would do if I did it . Wahida the apple of his eye

But the darkness was so much , I could not feel my legs anymore . I was numb and it wasn’t because I was sitting down for too long, no no no

It was because I was lying down in a pool of my own blood .

I had done it , I had succeeded but as the blood continued to flow out , though I was dying , I felt it

Fear

In that moment all I wanted to do was undo . Ctrl Z. Make it stop but it wouldn’t . I was really going to die . This was how my life would end

Me going to hell

But then something strange happened

I woke up.